Hakuna Retarta (Or, Keep Your Laws Off My Pussy)


If you ever doubted just how completely insane the folks at PETA are, check out the link below. It's about how I need to keep my cat Mo inside. It was apparently written by a 10-year old - which is apparently the maximum age that a thinking person can grow to and still believe in a world that was born from Bambi's mother.

You could practically rip the words straight from any of the fear-mongering texts that we on the left abhor. You see, there are these people called "bunchers" who "cruise neghborhoods" for cats and "sell them to laboratories." Really?
Well holy fuck! But then it gets even worse.

"Cats are often poisoned, shot, set on fire, or trapped and drowned by intolerant neighbors or bored juveniles."
I'm just so, so glad right now that Mo is in my lap. I'll never let him out again, obviously. But even still, I think I should call 911, just to ask the nice lady about any Buncher sightings.

Of course none of this actually happens, but it must be so fun to think about when you're in a cult. These morons have no more concern for science, and are no more deserving of rational progressive thought, than are the most apocalyptic of holy-rolling Christians. Actually I think they're worse.

They squander their frontal lobes (gifted them by their ancestors' consumption of animal proteins) on a misdirection of the very real and immediate need to make our treatment of animals more humane. And they're really vicious about it.

But then there's also this business I found, from the American Bird Conservancy (who I bet do incredibly good work all-around, and who I would probably be more than happy to support in all endeavors, save this one). They want me to "Take The Pledge" to keep my cat inside. I live very near the center of a reasonably-large city (Portland, Oregon - metro population 2.35 million), but I'm supposed to keep Mo indoors at all times to protect the sparrows nesting by the freeway.

Right.

Of course I applaud any species of bird that's adapted to life in our cities. And every once in a while, when I see their corpses and feathers strewn across my walkway as an offering from the animal I care for and love, I figure Mo's just doing his part to keep the rest of them on their toes so they can go on doing so. Wasn't the domestic cat part of the urban ecosystem from the very beginning? It seems to me a balance was struck centuries ago (at least in dense urban settings) between the wild animals that have the balls to brave our world and the domestic animals we bring with us. Why fuck with it? Birds die. Animals die. And for all their good deeds and protection of species, the animal rights set just cannot cope with this simple reality. To them, we're all living in the plot of The Lion King.

(Of course it's really a matter of first-world privilege, but that's for part 2, I reckon.)

Anyway, of course I don't want no bored juveniles drowning my cat. But at least my cat isn't boring (like the ones people keep inside). Also, all those pussies who wanna make my pussy a pussy are total pussies.

http://www.peta.org/living/companion-animals/caring-animal-companions/caring-cats/indoor-cats/


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