If Someone Doesn't Tell Me How To "Kick It", I Swear I'm Gonna Peace Out


'Sup widdit, yo?
That's how the youth talk, I reckon. Swear ta god, I've heard 'em say it. Or they'll say they are going to "peace out" (yes, as a verb and not just a salutation) when they are about to leave. They will even use this in the past tense ("Oh, they peaced out, bro") and (this is the one you'll wanna be sitting down for) the present progressive ("man, you better go get him; he's peacing out right now!").

I know, it's fucked up. They also listen to a lot of unimaginably awful music that comes from a 4-million dollar Apple laptop, and many of them apparently believe guitars are "gay". It's kinda weird: the crotchety old hippies disliked us "Gen Xers" because our music wasn't palatable enough for them, and now I'm an older guy "hating on" the new youth because their shit is TOO palatable. Like, thoughtlessly so. Anyway, some of the female young people are super hot so it gets confusing, which makes it actually a good thing when they play the awful music because it tempers the blood flow to the nether regions somewhat.

I don't remember what I was gonna write about. That Star Wars movie was just about perfect, I reckon - which means it was pretty good and I was compelled to discuss it for about 6 minutes afterwards. One of these days, presumably, someone is gonna finally explain to me how to get remotely excited about Star Wars. Or the other Star thing. I'm like, you know, an adult.

If I could push one magic-but-frivolous button to eliminate one genre from all media, it would be superheroes. I want to live in a world without superheroes. Real ones would be cool, of course - what with all the commuter trains getting tossed around and shit. But I do not wish to see them on screens of any size, ever again. There were at least 14 superhero movie trailers before the Star thing. The equivalent of the entire domestic products of like 1/3 of the countries on earth got smashed up just in the previews.

It's all so incredibly fucking boring. And there's only one plot. Total. You always know exactly what's going to happen. It's like listening to dub step; you can actually hear yourself getting dumber. They've even made some cute little quirky indie-type movies in which young people pretend to be superheroes, and those all suck ass also.

I'm actually legitimately concerned now that Robert Downy Jr is overworked. If he doesn't get out of that metal suit between Iron Man 12 and Avengers 9, and get some fucking leisure time, he's gonna end up on the pipe again. If anybody knows him, please check his kitchen for excessive amounts of baking soda and aluminum foil.

Anyway, if your music repeats itself more than 40 times and it's not The Fall, stop listening to it. Also, if you know that Good is going to prevail during the opening credits and you're okay with it, at least buy some reusable 3-D glasses.


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