Since 2004, Portland's Only Bar Trivia That Matters.
Writing one's thoughts in sentence fragments punctuated only by modern phrase abbreviations is the mental equivalent of dropping a turd in an alley and wiping your ass with a chunk of polystyrene; you instantly lose all your dignity, then you walk around uniquely unaware of the wordstench you broadcast, or the gagging it evokes in the forebrains of your peers.
I don't judge you if you've been doing this with English, I just want to convince you to stop. Or at the least, please just at least finish this particular post. I don't think it's going to be about very much, except how fun words are when you don't ignore them. That likely sounds arrogant - which is an issue I'll address in a moment.
Often, people who write this way end up incapable of focusing on any series of words whose length prohibits getting a rough character count first.
It used to be that folks were loath to admit not reading an article due to its length - for fear of coming off as simple. Now all kinds of smart folks tell me that of course they don't read my stuff because it's obviously way too long.
I can't exactly say less than what I have to say, any more than I could send back half a plate of oysters, or pull my wiener out of a pussy and start a crossword, 90 seconds into sexual congress with a human female.
I would've inserted a premature ejaculation joke there if my ego afforded me the practice of self-deprecation, but it does not, ever. Hell, I have problems just with self-defecation. Pooping alone is frightful business when you've propped your psyche up as precariously as I have all these years. If I have to wipe more than twice I need to call a friend to tell me I'm attractive, or else I'll start trembling and end up with fecal matter on my shirt tail.
So with an id like a house of cards and a super-ego structured like a Ponzi scheme, I need to engage in constant, effusive self-praise and non-stop attacks on others, or else the wind of dysfunction will leave me broken on the cold floor - where the SEC agent of doubt will place me in leg irons.
And my sentence for this offense?
Likely very long, with too many commas.