Since 2004, Portland's Only Bar Trivia That Matters.
You know, like some people will say "eat a bowl of dicks?" Get It?
Remember that one time when the President's socialist cronies at the CDC tried to kill us all, but FOX News saved America? That was awesome. Sean Hannity thinks Ebola started when those dirty fags started banging illegal immigrants.
But seriously, I gotta fly to my sister's place near Cleveland for Christmas, and it costs like 20,000 bucks to fly to Cleveland, so I'm kinda hoping for an outbreak there so people will panic even more and I can get a cheap flight.
I bet John Boehner doesn't fly on money-light, virus-heavy Frontier Airlines, which is a bummer cuz watching that guy bleed out in the end stage of a level 4 hemhorragic virus infection would be kinda funny.
Eat ebola dicks. There, it's done.
That guy on the tarmac with the clipboard who absolutely every media turd is indignant about because he's only wearing a mask and gloves? Well, he's clearly part of the Mexican-commie-queer conspiracy, and NOT a part of a rational and proven procedure in which he has no patient contact and unobstructed visibility so he can ensure that the people in the hazmat suits follow strict protocol. I know cuz it makes Wolf Blitzer mad (and I'm fairly certain he's an epidemiologist). What if the Ebola somehow jumped 4 feet onto clipboard guy's dick?!
And that brings up another terrifying, super-plausible science thingy: what if just my dick got Ebola? Would Rick Perry man up and chop the fucker off for me? That's what "Presby" hospital in Dallas is gonna end up being - a massive quarantine unit where guys dying of Ebola go to get their dicks amputated for no particular reason (except distracting them from the blinding pain of their liquefying organ linings).
And oooh, what a shocker that hospital screwed it up; I've said it my whole life - never trust a Presbyterian! I mean, they actually believe Baptism by Aspersion can get you into the kingdom of God, when absolutely everyone knows that all those who do not receive Affusion are damned! More science, that.
I bet they're gonna cancel The Walking Dead, now that we live in a dystopia that actually makes the world of that show seem desirable. Or they could just repackage it as a comedy.
Just remember one thing when supplies run out and the mass killings start:
Infected human flesh must be boiled before it's eaten (or brined for at least 12 hours and cooked to no lighter than medium in a hot smoker). And never eat an Ebola-infected cock; we're gonna need those to finally choke Bill O'Reilly to death.
I shall conclude with a sweeping, illogical, non-sequitir generalization that I still sometimes feel comfortable making (like after watching FOX News, for example):
Every conservative on earth is an extremely stupid bigot.
So it is written.