This Whimper Will Be Bangin': The End Of Quizzy at Billy Ray's.

As of tonight, 3/17/16, there are exactly 3 Quizzies left to be performed and played at Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive. Thus, in accordance with both the Laws Of Hype (originally “Hammurabi's Code), and my historic propensity to throw together a bullshit promotion far, far too late (originally “Doing Nothing”), I am announcing Billy Ray's Quizzy All-Time Champions Scrimmage Tournament! (Originally “Smear The Queer”).

 Here's the deal: It's kinda like the old Testicide qualifying, but shorter. I will save the scores from tonight, 3/24, and 3/31. Each team's 2 highest scores will be summed, and the 3 highest combined scores will play a short, specially-devised Championship Round immediately after the 3/31 Final Quizzy. There will be prizes for all 3 teams, and a trophy for the winner.

 I'll try to cook up some more pomp. It's important to remember that Quizzy ACTUALLY begins at 8:30 now.

You know what's odd is that, when I looked back in the calendar, March 2005 turns out to have been a carbon copy of this one, and I realized (and confirmed via an old poster) that the first Quizzy there was actually Thursday, 3/24, and not this Thursday like I claimed. So the 11th anniversary will actually be sandwiched into this fake promotion!

 There's so much pretense in this, it's impossible not to get excited! Can't you just feel the lack of tension? The sweet smell of Quizzy victory is like that of plexiglass, or bleached flour. The anticipation is so great, I just wanna take a nap. It's like the Super Bowl, only if you call your team The Philadelphia Eagles you will still have a chance of winning.

Oh, by the way – it starts in less than 4 hours. Typical, I know.

Billy Ray's Neighborhood Dive is at 2216 NE MLK, in Portland Oregon. It is the greatest bar I have ever known. You should come.


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