Occluded Fronts and Deluded C....

Weather forecasters take way too much shit. Everyone is always spouting some cliche or other about how the weatherman is always wrong, and it's complete crap. I've followed weather forecasts religiously, daily, for my entire cognisant life - and I can assure you that the NWS is very accurate the vast majority of the time. But somehow, through an incredible collective feat of selective memory, people…

When A Burrito Costs 9 Bucks, You Can REALLY Taste The Irony

One time I went to fry an egg, and it was my last egg, and I was out of food in general, and I broke the yolk and started crying. I've never been tortured, but I imagine it would be just like having several dozen eggs, and having the grits and bacon all ready, and then no matter how many eggs you crack, all the yolks explode. I was in Olympia last Sunday, and I ordered eggs Benedict. My girlfriend…

13 Ways An Old Southern Man Might Mispronounce The Word "Breakfast"

It's more fun if you affect an accent aloud, and use each in a sentence.

Such as, "Woman, brang me mah..."

  1. Breftis
  2. Brefkist
  3. Breffix
  4. Bruffix
  5. Brestick
  6. Breckiss
  7. Brexit
  8. Broffust
  9. Broftus
  10. Bressit
  11. Breftist
  12. Broffuls
  13. Dinner

Cryptids And Vipers And Facts - Oh MY!

I remember once walking on a trail in the woods of the Blue Ridge with my family when I was maybe 5 years old, and this big-ass rattlesnake crossing in front of us. Nobody freaked out, and it just went on its way, and we continued on the path, and everyone was blown away by how cool it was. I inherited a love of snakes from my mother when she caught a beautiful black rat snake out of a tree and…

Catfish Is Really Delicious, and Other Truths

You know what sucks? Redundant speech. And you know who are the worst grammatical offenders of this type? Sportscasters. One cannot watch 15 minutes of sports commentary without some jarhead saying that some team or other "answered back."
Everyone involved with American football is so, so dumb. Don't get me wrong, I love football. ┬áBut man are they stupid. Last week Mark Schlereth said that…

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